it's time to judge

the ugly sweater contest

line up on both sides

winners get presents

what made you buy

all these ugly sweaters?

yours is made of cashmere

mine's made of leather

let's see who won

the ugly sweater contest

polyester santa

a reindeer dismembered

this one deserves

an honorable mention

topless missus Claus

worn by bottomless stripper

the downside of wearing

an ugly woolen sweater

scratchy red breasts

irritated nipples

next year instead

a west t-shirt contest

i'll find a way

to make that seem festive

it's all falling apart

this chaos from the heart

the dominos tumble

the mirrors will shatter

and it's all drifting apart

i can't put it back in order

the numbers won't make any sense

all forces of nature

working against me

adrift in space

dragged forward by time

it just keeps getting worse

from the bassinet to the hearse

i try to unshuffle these cards

but they've already been dealt

and it's all drifting apart

i can't put it back in order

the numbers won't make any sense

all forces of nature

working against me

adrift in space

dragged forward by time

i hate waiting in line

when i have to fly

i'm tired and weary

i don't know the time

i'm gunna stumble up to the bar

and drink two pints of rye

look out at the sky

is it dawn or night?

when's the connecting flight?

your carry-on bag got gate checked to Taipan

i don't know where i am

but the whiskey says that i can

pilot this plane

land in rough terrain

the passengers' screams don't bother me

cuz i'm jet-lagged

this is where i was born

see how it has changed

that once was the hospital

where my mother felt her labor pains

everything has been turned into a strip mall

all the farmland has been paved

pretty homes converted to tenements

every monument has been razed

this is the liquor store

where i used to lie about my age

that used to be a grade school

collapsed, corrupted, decayed

everything has been turned into a strip mall

all the farmland has been paved

pretty homes converted to tenements

every monument's been razed

everything has been turned into a strip mall

all the farmland has been paved

pretty homes converted to tenements

every monument's been razed

My portfolio

has pictures of my butthole

taken with a mirror and a phone

this morning while in homeroom

the art teacher was pissed

the point of the assignment i had missed

she told me before class was dismissed

i had to do it over again again

now my portfolio

has pictures of her butthole

(oh that's so artistic)

taken with telescope and phone

while standing on a well-placed utility pole

the art teacher was pissed

i should have focused on her tits

she kept me there once class was dismissed

to make me do it over

again again again

what is that lightbulb for?

what are you reaching toward?

why is there vaseline and a spatula

painful fragments

in your ass

sit down too hard

shattered glass

call a medic

call a nurse

call a doctor

call a hearse

no you shouldn't leave it plugged in

that's electrocution, not a grin

where did you download this copy of the Kama Sutra?

painful fragments

in your ass

sit down too hard

shattered glass

call a medic

call a nurse

call a doctor

call a hearse

More like Karma Sutures, amirite?

bring back cockfighting

it was banned by people who had never met a rooster

because all roosters wanna do

is fuck, fight and eat

so bring back cockfighting

it's the roosters who will appreciate this the most

currently, they're just ground up when they're chicks

but if you bring back cockfighting

well, then, they'll have a chance to fuck, fight and eat

that only seems fair

if my demands are not met

i will replace all your favorite restaurants' coffee with Folger's crystals

and i'll unplug their deep-fryer on the way out

bring back cockfighting

you can make a lotta money betting on those cocks

and if you've ever seen that video where they're being ground up while they're just cute, cute tiny baby chicks

you think, "why is it so bad to let them fight?"

all roosters wanna do is fuck, fight and eat

seriously, all they wanna do is fuck, fight and eat

and if you're bringing back cockfighting

we'll give them a chance to do what they love

bringing back cockfighting will let them do all the things they love

if my demands are not met

i will remove all the tags from every mattress in this house

spend a night at the museum

unnatural history beyond the veil

alternate pasts and fake realities

mindbending journey will leave you pale

here are ghosts of those who never lived

and Cleopatra teaching Braile

dinosaur necromancers

don't go into the caveman room

because at night

they all come alive

seeking out those who stayed inside

they roam the halls

invaders from another dimension

so whatever you do

don't go into the caveman room

another night at the museum

sinister oddities on shelves arranged

the missing saddle of doomed Belleraphon

who the hell opened the caveman room?

run for your lives

cover your ass

everyone

for themselves

run for your lives

cover your ass

why do we have a caveman room?

down here

you'll be safe

and soon

they'll forget who you were

the missing posters fade

i'll turn the lights off

try and get some rest

i know it chafes

but down here you'll be safe

my little pet

my little pet

down here you'll be safe

forever

["that's the first and only take" i ran out of time trying to fix the guitars and only had time to flail wildly at the drums]

just take that chance

and ganbaremasu

sidle up to the bar

and buy her a drink

throwing your pride away

doing the alpha thing

you know what they all say

rome weren't built in a day

but now your life is on the brink

because she gave you the wink

(that's euphemism for Chlamydia)

"wait, someone we know has the clap?"

(you know that groupie we had the other day?)

"Yeah, Stacy, i hooked up with her"

(well i hope you wore a jacket, gotta practice... bein' safe)

off to the clinic now

symptoms unbearable

hope the prescriptions cheap

or you won't get to sleep

your life is on the brink

because she gave you the wink

(maybe topical creams will help)

Oh

the things they have seen

when i left my camera on

in our meeting

they said

"Let's take a bio-break"

so it seemed like a good time

to masturbate

After that

we'll have a Q&A session

(please raise your hand)

but first I'll have to downplay

my watersports obsession

now i have to explain to a lady from HR

all the horrific images

those poor people saw

We're all gunna get real sick of hearing The Necro Quintet before long... if we're not already.

i'm gunna flutter your butt

with my tongue

i'm gunna flutter your butt

all night long

get me buttered til i nut

at the break of dawn

then we'll go out for brunch

wearing only our thongs

tickle your shitter

with the tip of my taste buds

the only thing delicious

are your moans of pleasure

when i flutter your butt

flutter your butt

flutter your butt

with my tongue

drink this supplement so you get enough fiber

a high colonic makes me less hesitant to put my tongue inside her

i'm gunna flutter your butt

with my tongue

i'm gunna flutter your butt

all night long

get me buttered til i nut

at the break of dawn

then we'll go out for brunch

wearing only our thongs

ive got a message for you

and i hope it gets through

all these modern distractions

wont erase what i knew

when the word came from on high

that you're all going to die

the time and the place

has been decided in heaven

God wants you to sell your home

and send all the proceeds to me to me

God wants you to have a garage sale

and send all the money to me to me to

the messenger who's come to warn you

repent of your sins

your soul

and your life

divest yourself of your belongings

your house and your things

your clothes

and your wife

God wants you to sell your home

and send all the proceeds to me to me

God wants you to have a garage sale

and send all the money to me to me

God wants you to have a garage sale

don't haggle too much

just get the best price

God wants you to sell your home

and send all the money to me to me to me

Proving once again that for over 30 years every attempt i make at writing metal turns into punk.

puff out your cheeks

expel all the air

watch that dart land in her derriere

she starts to stumble

into your arms

you'll carry her home

see she don't come to harm

who needs roofies when a blowgun does the trick?

someone might see you slip something into her drink

this special poison

comes from a frog

refined in Peru

but sold by the mob

more than effective

stifles the breath

necrophiliacs love how

it simulates death

who needs roofies when a blowgun does the trick?

someone might see you slip something into her drink

who needs roofies when a blowgun does the trick?

someone might see you slip something into her drink

"hey that guy with the bamboo pole is kinda sus"

the ashes of my dream

crashes into life

where do i put my butts out?

i just use my wife

she's an ass tray

a human ashtray

she's an ass tray

a human ashtray

will the starfish

extinguish it?

do you smell

burning shit?

she's an ass tray

a human ashtray

she's an ass tray

a human ashtray

insert the butt into the butt

acrid smell of smoking muff

i don't own a single share of lockheed

i never invested in raytheon

yet somehow half my paycheck seems to go there

maybe they should all go fuck themselves

i don't care about your foreign wars

in parts of the map

that i have never explored

awful convenient who it makes rich

maybe they should all go fuck themselves

i never invested in solyndra

a lot of politicians made a ton

not sure if blackmail or corruption

maybe they should all go fuck themselves

i don't care about your climate scam

make an accurate prediction

then i might give a damn

how did you pay for that private jet?

maybe you should all go fuck yours;ves.

draggin' around deez nutz

swingin' around deez nutz

rollin' around deez nutz

slowly lower them onto your face

shoving deez nutz close to muddy holes

the trunk of the tree might be what makes her moan

but if the acorns are ready

they'll supply ample cream

and leave a little mess

a puddle of seed

haulin' around deez nutz

carryin' around deez nutz

shufflin' around deez nutz

slowly lower them onto your face

shoving deez nutz close to muddy holes

the trunk of the tree might be what makes her moan

but if the acorns are ready

they'll supply ample cream

and leave a little mess

a puddle of seed

guitar!

shoving deez nutz close to muddy holes

the trunk of the tree might be what makes her moan

but if the acorns are ready

they'll supply ample cream

and leave a little mess

a puddle of seed

following the charts

the scientists have brought

careful plans will tell

where i oughta drill this well

2 inches wide

the pipe im gunna lay inside

10 inches deep

into the bottom of your heart

get these protesters out of here

it ain't their business what i'll do to your rear

keep the staging area clear

don't let that hamster near

2 inches wide

the pipe im gunna lay inside

10 inches deep

into the bottom of your heart

ashes to asses

dust to butt

bring a raincoat

if you must

the sky is exploding

see what i mean?

soil and refuse

mixed with atomic rain

dust filling all of us

until we just become the stuff

ashes in our asses

the concrete in our crack

dust filling all of us

until we just become the stuff

ashes in our asses

the concrete in our crack

Away, down the road

things, best left untold

the last thing you remember was a night out with your friends

you had a couple drinks while you're driving daddy's Benz

the road is kinda icy and the radio's too loud

too bad for your passenger

there's only one air-bag

stacy sails off into the night

fine

take your thinkgs

just be outta here

by the time i'm home

despite

all these years

my knee-jerk reaction

is to slam the door

don't

give me that look

the one that you save

for when you know you're wrong

your mother's urn is back there on the shelf

so take her with you

before you join her in hell

in hell

Orange Juice and toothpaste

two distinctly different tastes

on their own they might be great

but don't put them together

they're kinda like you and me

two people everyone agrees

on their own they might be great

but don't put them together

you don't like what gets squeezed out of my tube

i don't like all your bitter pulp

orange juice and toothpaste

try not to mix them in your haste

on their own they might be great

but don't put them together

mutual restraining orders

setting boundaries

marking borders

on our own we might be great

but don't put us together

you don't like what gets squeezed out of my tube

(squeeze it!)

I don't like all your bitter pulp

(chunky chunky chunky chunk chunk)

いきすよおお！

mother fucker let's go

gotta lotta momentum

fueled by 8 grams of blow

McDonald's gave us mass

Viktor sold us speed

get the hell out of the path that we weave

as we accelerate

it's too late to stop

accelerate

now let's take off that top

いきすよおお！

mother fucker let's go

never slow down

or the tyres' gunna blow

keep increasing your velocity

now it's time to experiment with PCP as we accelerate

it's too late to stop

accelerate

now let's take off that top

いきすよおお！

mother fucker let's go

gotta lotta momentum

fueled by 6 grams of blow

Doritos gave us mass

we're almost out of speed

get the hell out of the path that we weave

as we accelerate

it's too late to stop

accelerate

now let's take off that top

いきすよおお！

mother fucker let's go

gotta lotta momentum

fueled by 2 grams of blow

Totinos gave us mass

we're almost out of speed

now a strip club is all that we need

as we accelerate

as we accelerate

as we accelerate

there's no way to stop.

it's creamy

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's creamy

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's cream

it's salty

it come from a stick

it's cream and it's salty

and it came out of my dick

new product in the supermarket

every lady here just has to have it

take it home and hide it away from the kids

when your husband's out of town gunna see what it is

because

it's gooey

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's creamy

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's gooey

it's salty

it comes from a stick

it's creamy and it's gooey

and it came out of my dick

it's the kind of snack you enjoy in secret

whisper about to your friends at your next meetup

every day they introduce new flavor profiles

put some in your mouth and spread some on your thighs

because

it's gooey

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's creamy

it's salty

it comes in a stick

it's gooey

it's salty

it comes from a stick

it's creamy and it's gooey

and it came out of my dick

i cant seem to break through

this tension that's in you

i'd take you out of your clothes

but the problem's in your soul

underneath the surface

a darkness taken hold

i dont got the words yet

but stop doing what you're told

behind the hard facade

a lying, loving god

has created a mirage

and altered your visage

underneath the surface

a darkness taken hold

i don't got the words yet

but stop doing what you're told

rockin the fanny pack will not bring your ex wife back

but you should keep a knife inside in the event you get attacked

embossed with a brand name

enviable logo

like the box in which came

admirable slogan

90s fashion returns

all you haters can seethe and burn

they say it's far too convenient

they say you look like a nerd

they doubt that it's really leather

all of those haters can cope and burn

90s fashion returns

all you haters can seethe and burn

i need to start practicing again...

did i forget how to music?

feel the little sprinkles

as i start to tinkle

now is the hour of the golden shower

now is the time when you're in my power

watering you like a little flower

yes i ate asparagus

is that why you're so dour?

golden rain

bathing you in shame

you want a towel?

just let it dry

yeah im late

i have no idea how the master sounds i ran out of time

I haven't made any techno in awhile.

It's hot and the air conditioner is running at full tilt so I used amp sims and drum machines and vocaloids and made really weird crap and apologize for absolutely nothing whatsoever. Except the mix. Sorry about that. And the mastering isn't great, so gomen on that. Oh and the performances are nothing to write home about. But other than that, no apologies.

warning lights flashing

you must hit eject

alarms are blaring

you must hit eject

sirens are screaming

you must hit eject

the rotor's still spinning

when you hit eject

the design of the helicopter

doesn't lend a lot of confidence

designed by some guy in his basement

last minute addition

a seat that ejects

a fine red mist

when you hit eject

it makes a mess

when you hit eject

just like a blender

when you hit eject

the rotor's still spinning

even though you hit eject

the design of the helicopter

doesn't lend a lot of confidence

designed by some guy in his basement

last minute addition

a seat that ejects

Ejectulation!

cosmic uber

night out

partied too hard

we got a bit too loud

take a right at saturn

left at the mailbox

cosmic taxicab

driven by things

made in a lab

Everything in its proper place

one mistake

leads to disgrace

i demand

Evian in the green room

I demand

no eye contact

there should be

no wire hangers

i asked for McDonald's

not Wendy's.

i demand

Evian in the green room

I demand

no eye contact

Little doll of porcelain

I think I'll name you Madeleine

you want to know my darkest sin?

I think I know where it fits in

you are modest

you are meek

a loving home is all you seek

we've been at this for a week

I think I know where it fits in

Oh the things you'll learn

When I fill you up with sperm

Oh the things you'll learn

when I fill you with my sperm

Tiny Madeleine

encrusted from within

Tiny Madeleine

corrupted porcelain

digging from beneath the earth

the mole men are coming

what is your life really worth

now that the mole men are coming

hide your money hide your wife

the mole men's urges are undefined

we know they're greedy and all alone

no mole women in their homes

they're here to steal human wives

to make their babies and extent their lives

so what're you gunna do

now that the mole men have come

and what will be left of you

when the mole men are done

hide your money and your wives

the mole men's urges are undefined

we know they're greedy and alone

no mole women in their homes

they've come to steal human wives

moleman 1: but not her, she's fat

moleman 2: w-we're not trying to be rude, it... it's just that she wouldn't fit back down the hole

i don't even wanna talk about it...

The title is a reference to a Mother's of Invention song about an actual leisure suit tailor in late 60s Los Angeles.

vocaloid, SP404mkII, Donner B1 and a synth bed.

don't flip your wig

what's underneath?

shining and pal

wear a hat

pin them together

watch them float

into the void

you want to look

you want to touch

is three minutes all too much?

is this serving just a suggestion

these ingredients are unmentioned

ask the noodle man

is that the noodle plan?

doing what noodles can?

ask the noodle man

tear into the flavour packet

hot oil too if you can hack it

using chopsticks

and a spoon

eating alone

in your room

just ask the noodle man

was that the noodle plan?

doing what noodles can?

ask the noodle man

formerly Chuck's.

dj bill da bear

climbs outta the electric chair

hope they ain’t mess up his hair

warden sayin it’s unfair

the pardon was inevitable

this whole thing was preventable

they all glower at the bill da bears power

and now here i go furry menace is on the lose again

after a free bus ride straight home from the pen

a tisket a tasket gimme your pick a nick basket

the bill da bear gets what the bill da bear wants

(nothing about this character makes a lick of sense)

route 666

you're turnin' tricks

you're suckin' dicks

because you need a ride to the next town

where you'll get down

you'll party with the band

you got your backstage pass

under your bra

thing you've never seen before

you can't guess what we got in store

sorry to tell you that you opened the wrong door

route 666

you're turnin' tricks

you're suckin' dicks

because you needed a ride to the next town

where you got down bad

you partied with that band

but then someone slipped you the wrong pills

now there's foam on your lips

and blood where you slipped

they'll find your body on route 6 6 6

I recorded everything through the ukalele pickup including the vocals. It was a terrible idea.

Sorry.

maybe she's a little rough round the edges

she's developed a little paunch

maybe she's got greying hair now

maybe more of it's coming out

eye of the beholder

yeah she's getting older

she's still the one that i love

she used to have all of her teeth

she used to have both of her eyes

she used to a lot more than sleep

she's still as pretty as when she was alive

eye of the beholder

yeah she's getting older

she's still the one that i love

eye of the beholder

yeah she's getting older

she's still the one that i chose

walk up to the mirror with a piece of paper

a little sharpie

and some scissors of safety

trace yourself and cut it out

paint it black and hang it up

now you've got yourself a silhouette

maybe you should turn

a little to the left

capture your schnozz

and your chin's manly cleft

maybe you should wear a distinctive hat

a fancy hairdo

or the ears of a cat

trace yourself and cut it out

paint it black and hang it up

now you've got yourself a silhouette

whistling through the graveyard

annointed by the shadow of an angel's marble frown

knowing it's your fate to rest here

for all the tomorrows after the end of your days

walking these empty paths

looking at names that aren't yet yours

dying flowers blown across the grass

but it isn't yet your time

and that shovel in your hand

is meant for something else

something fresh

someone you can save

with all your darkest arts

and if all else fails

there's always the grapefruit spoon

there's always

the grapefruit spoon

there's always

the grapefruit spoon

Experimenting with sound design. Apologies in advance.

You had it all figured out according to plan

but you're starting to think that you're the wrong man

a short circuit

your wires are crossed you can't understand

they're saying you're someone but you're not a fan

a short circuit

input coming in wrong

output not where it belongs

in a land of thieves the eye deceives

and no one agrees on what you believe

a short circuit

it becomes a bit unreal is what you see

really what you feel?

a short circuit

input coming in wrong

output not where it belongs

[mega guitar wankery]

Yes, I am aware of how shitty my snare sounds these days.

dont you go into that light

you just have to stay and fight

it's too early for goodnight

dont drift off to the afterlife

send a message to be read

are you barely alive or mostly dead

this is what our missive said

dont drift off to the afterlife

floating through your days

you think you're awake

the accident was long ago

all through limbo now aglow

spirit's trapped and starts to flow

don't drift off to the afterlife

sleeper now you must awaken

sound and body now reclaiming

back to life away from heaven

don't drift off to the afterlife

float through your days

you think you're awake

=VLOOKUP(A2, V3:X3, 3, TRUE)

control a control x

edit select all edit cut

=IF(yourHeart=TRUE, GOOD, BAD)

control a control x

let the macro do the rest

put a towel under the girl

avoid the stain of shame on your sheets

as the AC battles the heat

bodies, friction, shit and sweat

every opening's getting wet

semen smegma saliva piss

get a tarp to catch the mess

put some ice over her tits

spray cool water in her pits

summer sun climbs over head

and the flies threaten the dead

bodies, friction, shit and sweat

every opening's getting wet

semen smegma saliva piss

grab a tarp to catch the mess

I decided to have fun instead of making good music.

you have to concentrate

you wantto masturbate

your wife will be home soon

your kids are in their rooms

daddy needs to be alone

daddy has to focus on his own

you listen for her car

can you finish in time?

monomaniacal

one thing at a time

daddy needs to be alone

daddy has to focus on his own

riding down the diarrhea slip 'n slide

there's a piece of corn so open up wide

parasites around you nowhere to hide

as you're sailing the seas of shit

ride slide cry

ride eat shit and die

open your mouth and dine

what's at the bottom waiting for you

as you slide, slide, slide

riding down the diarrhea slip 'n slide

assaults your nose and tongue along with your pride

flow with the feces let the tide be your guide

as you're sailing the seas of shit

ride slide cry

ride eat shit and die

open your mouth and dine

what's at the bottom waiting for you

as you slide, slide, slide

climbing up the stairs

to father's secret lair

old clothes

forgotten toys

and the skulls of girls and boys

Daddy's Attic

where he punishes sin

Daddy's Attic

hope you don't get let in

Daddy's Attic

where he keeps all his tools

Daddy's Attic

he might use them on you

in this chamber of despair

stains of blood

strands of hair

the neighbors won't say a word

all the screaming goes unheard

Daddy's Attic

where he punishes sin

Daddy's Attic

hope you don't get let in

Daddy's Attic

where he keeps all his tools

Daddy's Attic

he might use them on you

look into tomorrow see the future what will happen

echoes coming backwards from the time when all is ashes

try to warn the others both the rabbi and the chaplain

what you cannot stop

the consequences of your actions

what you set in motion

doors you shouldn't open

prophecy of pain

visions of black rain

seer be ashamed of what you've done

the ritual to end the beasts mistakes were made it was mispoken

should've closed the portals but the Elder Gods were summoned

a thousand years of darkness boiling blood will fill the oceans

witness as the fabric of reality's unwoven

it has been awoken

everything is broken

what you set in motion

doors you shouldn't open

prophecy of pain

visions of black rain

seer be ashamed of what you've done

what you set in motion

doors you shouldn't open

it has been awoken

everything, everything is broken

breathe the open air

escaping despair

burst through the doors hindering your wisdom

remove the blindfold obscuring your vision

think what you want

despite those who cannot

burst through the doors hindering your wisdom

remove the blindfold obscuring your vision

time is aligned

if only in your mind

the breaker has been tripped

collective bridge

behind what you want

tomorrow distraught

today unconnected untethered unrestricted

yourself you cannot find

unresponsive unsurprised

forward march the hands of clocks

unyielding to your demands

just another dream about the forgotten lands

just another nightmare about unrealized plans

time is in your mind

if only it were aligned

coincidence might not exist

collective bridge

Performed live on Novation Circuits, Korg Volca Kick and TD-3 (insofar as all the knob twisting, ribbon sliding and scene/scale/filter switching was done live), 2nd take.

Circuit Tracks with Volca FM, Kick and Beats while OP1 looked on helplessly as I floundered with pads and abused the master filter knob with wanton abandon because it was the only gd thing i understood...

Title is a reference to the film "Gremlins", Gizmo was a cute creature known as a Mogwai. This track is meant as an homage to the Scottish band "Mogwai".

I wrote this on the OP1 using only samples of my voice (and obviously every effect in the book i could throw at it.

scales - bow_and_arrow - ear

OP-1 Training Arc - Week 2: The longest 2 minutes and 13 seconds of your life.

I'm experimenting with a new device so I stayed in the box until it came to mixing and mastering. You have been warned.

outside wind is howling

storm is shrieking

thunder growling

patterend frost spells a warning

i'm inside safe from harm

in my turtleneck sweater

i can stay dry and warm

in my turtleneck sweater

add another log to the fireplace

pile some blankets in the drafty place

we're the last hope

for the human race

if spring ever returns

try to repopulate

the canned food won't last til then

cannibalism just a matter of when

who drew the shortest straw

they won't live to see the thaw

at least i'll get their turtleneck sweater

All alone

after the party

wrapped up in

a suit of meat

there's a reason

no one orders bacon wrapped zucchini anymore

there's a reason

no one ever orders it

(y'know it's the lowest rated recipe on that one website)

substitutions couldn't fix it

it's an affront to man and God

it's an affront before our eyes

it shouldn't have happened

you can wrap shrimp with bacon

(that sounds lovely)

you can wrap an egg with bacon

(ooh delightful)

you can wrap scallops or filet mignon with bacon

(ahhhh delish)

you can wrap you wiener with bacon

get your mind out of the gutter

and your eyes out of my pants

you can't wrap zucchini

Fusillade has come undone

over now 'ere we've begun

people pray it's not the hour

caustic lamp lit with power

it has come undone

look what you've become

braver now until the morrow

caustic lamp burning with power

it will soon be redone

searching for the one

angry hand of the Father

caustic lamp shines with sorrow

fusillade has been undone

over now 'ere we've begun

people pray it's not the hour

caustic lamp lit with power

it has come undone

Note: All my mics are set up for livestreaming in another room... so i took a cheap $34 dollar condenser mic and recorded acoustic guitar and whatever weird shit I had laying around.

Reaching inside

extending my fingers

scream of delight

before the splinters

i reach out

inside of you

reach out within

reach in without

brace yourself

I'm going in dry

raise the stakes

before the dawn

undead relate

the harvest song

craving

embrace the tomb

embracing

crave the bloom

petals rot

a darkened sky

tooth and vein

grim delight

craving

embrace the tomb

embracing

crave the bloom

i awake in the morning

and i need something

to rinse the cobwebs away

i need my coffee

give me my coffee

ive given you everything you could need

there is nothing to want for

food and a place to defecate

there's one final step we must take

you will learn to love me

i will make you love me

you will come to love me... or else

you will learn to love me

i will make you love me

you will come to love me... or else

no one can hear your screaming

why do you shy away when i draw near

i'll remove the chains if you start behaving

and if you're a good girl i'll take you outside

you will learn to love me

i will make you love me

you will come to love me... or else

you will learn to love me

i will make you love me

you will come to love me... or else

when you're old

put in a home

you've been forgotten

now you're alone

melt into your chair

why should you care

they change your diaper

and give you drugs

you can sit back and watch The Price is Right

as you slowly turn into a fossil

waiting for your chance to walk into the light

as you slowly turn into a fossil

poop in a bag

pee in your pants

they change you daily

with your sponge bath

you once had dreams

but now they're over

the Shinigami

is drawing closer

you can sit back and watch them Dance with the Stars

as you slowly turn into a fossil

waiting for your chance to walk into the light

as you slowly turn into a fossil

you can sit back and watch Family Feud (where's Richard Dawson? Who is this 'Steve Harvey'?!)

as you slowly turn into a fossil

waiting for your chance to walk into the light

as you slowly turn into a fossil

Mystery

Ontology

Purview of the wise

all of the questions

none of the answers

are supplied

can you use a ferret as a fleshlight?

Can a toothless toddler give good head?

if your cancer stricken 2nd cousin dies

is it really incest if she's dead?

if you masturbate watching a sunrise

does that mean you're mindfucking a star?

if you get a boner while you're driving

does that mean you want to fuck your car?

Epistimology

Dichotomy

twixt soul and mind

so many queries

afflict mankind

can you use a ferret as a fleshlight?

Can a toothless toddler give good head?

if your cancer stricken 2nd cousin dies

is it really incest if she's dead?

if you masturbate watching a sunrise

does that mean you're mindfucking a star?

if you get a boner while you're driving

does that mean you want to fuck your car?

check out my oiled katana

there's something dripping off

wouldn't want to get any on ya

it's longer than that wakazashi

just gunna slide it in... sukoshi

kono katana wa ore no ooki inkei desu

ore wa anata ni ore no ooki inkei iremasu

kono katana wa ore no ooki inkei desu

ore wa anata ni ore no ooki inkei iremasu

sitting atop the rice balls

sharpened sword looking for a sheath

when this massive blade falls

separate the chaff from wheat

i see you admire it

now turn around and face the wall

don't bother crying 'yamate!'

no one can hear you call

kono katana wa ore no ooki inkei desu

ore wa anata ni ore no ooki inkei iremasu

kono katana wa ore no ooki inkei desu

ore wa anata ni ore no ooki inkei iremasu

Cursed with the gift of prophecy

images of what will come to be

not sure if i'm going out of my mind

the present is cloudy the future is night

peering into the future

peering into the future

calamities up ahead

tides of blood

stacking the dead

can't tell now from then

are you here

or a memory of when?

peering into the future

peering into the future

am i in the future

trapped outside the now

can you read the writing

the when the where the how

am i in the future

trapped outside the now

can you read the writing

the when the where the how

peering into the future...

the onset of panic

nascent fear

welling within

meltdown

before the tears begin

vision turning red

meltdown

things are going great

on our first date

when i get you home

prepare for an explosion

i'm not out of line

and you're lookin' fine

when i get you home

prepare for an explosion

take off your clothes and lay on the bed

meaty shaft pointed straight at your head

sticky white goo an eruption that spews

exiting me

spilling onto you

i hope you don't don't

volume of some reknown

hope you have eye protection

swallow my explosion

let me get a towel

and a garden hose

hope you brought shampoo

bathe in my explosion

take off your clothes and lay on the bed

meaty shaft pointed straight at your head

sticky white goo an eruption that spews

exiting me

spilling onto you

protein spilling out of me

protein dripping onto you

...

take off your clothes and lay on the bed

meaty shaft pointed straight at your head

sticky white goo an eruption that spews

exiting me

spilling onto you

see them

in the alleys

predators

in search of meat

broken streetlight

empty dreams

shabby tuxes

swollen bellies

bloody fangs, claws and eyes

fat and happy...happy hunting

caressed by soft fur

as you die

territory

that they roam

hungry kitties

hunt alone

feeding every night

sleeping every day

overweight tuxedo cats

standing in your way

shabby tuxes

swollen bellies

bloody fangs, claws and eyes

fat and happy... happy hunting (repeat)

i'm getting bored

workin' this farm

need a distraction

an invention or such

animal husbandry

abusing technology

space age aphrodisiacs

in the feed

Stallion on cow! They'll make creepy babies

Stallion on cow! This milk tastes like glue

Stallion on cow! an unusual coupling

they don't seem to know what to do

The first time the horse

aimed for the anus

the second time

he aimed for the mouth

i got them turned 'round

lubed and excited

now let's turn the web cam on

Stallion on cow! They'll make creepy babies

Stallion on cow! This milk tastes like glue

Stallion on cow! an unusual coupling

now they seem to know what to do

i wouldn't call it romance

i wouldn't call it natural

i wouldn't call it moral

but it's not technically illegal (but it should be!)

Stallion on cow! They'll make creepy babies

Stallion on cow! This milk tastes like glue

Stallion on cow! an unusual coupling

now they're performing for you

Wait!

let him go first

he's a busy man

don't get in the way

our needs

are greater than yours

there's enough to go around

but go back to the end of the line

lowest man on the totem pole

get thee behind me

a worthless pawn in the abyss of the world

get thee behind me

Stop!

let me cut in with my friends

out lives have meaning

and you're a lonely little toad

don't make a fuss

stay meek and quiet

you don't wanna make a scene

because they all might stare and laugh at you

lowest man on the totem pole

get thee behind me

a worthless pawn in the abyss of the world

get thee behind me

watch the watcher

on the tower of lies

inside outside

neither applies

the death's head that's been stalking you

reflected in the snow capped mirror

the outline of her face

reminds you of the last place

that you saw her

the seers have been seeing you

they carve your fate with their blunted knives

the guardians no longer guarding you

purchasing power empty lives

the death's head that's been stalking you

reflected in the snow capped mirror

the outline of her face

reminds you of the last place

that you saw her

I'll see you again in the depths of nightmare

I'll see you again in the depth of nightmare

i'll see you again in the death of your nightmare

i'll see you again in the depth of your nightmare

MMA, UFC

what fighting style reigns surpreme

capoeira jeet kun do

or is it one that you don't know

Penis Fu is the deadliest martial art

slap 'em upside the head

or light 'em ablaze with your farts

strikers and grapplers

shaking with fearing

the unzipping of your pants

it's the last thing they hear

a blow to the head

or violate them instead

either way

your opponent winds up dead

Penis Fu is the deadliest martial art

slap 'em upside the head

or light 'em ablaze with your farts

there's a guy with his thumb out

by the side of the road

he looks pretty shady

he looks kinda old

don't pull over and let him inside

or this'll be the day, the day that you die

don't stop the car and give him a ride

or this'll be the day, the day that you die

you won't be his first

nor his last

they can't find the bodies

they don't know his past

don't pull over and give him a ride

or this'll be the day, the day that you die

don't stop the car and let him inside

or this'll be the day, the day that you die

I have like 9 of my microphones in the jam room so I made EDM. The title is a reference to Pink Flamingos, the film.

Dingy storefront

Bad part of town

beaded curtain

faux Romani gown

peddling lies

discounted price

an angry spouse

a fateful surprise

bet she didn't see that comin'

a faithful husband whose wife just left him

bet she didn't see that comin'

there in the rain

holding a gun

a bad cold read

misread the signs

a couples' marriage

falsely maligned

filled the wife's head

with doubt and dismay

now the husband's here

to make her pay

bet she didn't see that comin'

a faithful husband whose wife just left him

bet she didn't see that comin'

there in the rain

holding a gun

interdimensional scavengers

seeking out

worlds to conquer

using earth as a base

enslavement of the human race

buy, consume, obey

buy, consume, ask no questions

buy, consume, obey

buy, consume, ask no questions

disguised as humans

positions of power

expanding influence

ivory towers

you pass them by every day

you don't notice

but you do what they say

buy, consume, obey

buy, consume, ask no questions

buy, consume, obey

buy, consume, ask no questions

wanna take a trip with me?

secluded lake house in the trees

spend the weekend with some friends

ignoring all those stupid legends

fifty years ago 

he murdered his family

and they say that

he still roams

'neath this forest canopy

hunting down teenagers and 

any who would dare

spend the night 

in his lake cabin

hey have you seen Bobby or Sue

i think they went into the woods

you can guess what to do

hey did you hear that?

thought i heard a scream

i hear a noise outside

let's go take a peek

fifty years ago 

he murdered his family

and they say that

he still roams

'neath this forest canopy

hunting down teenagers and 

any who would dare

spend the night 

in his lake cabin

She took my truck

and she stole my dog

now i'm alone

sippin' from my jug

of moonshine

i got laid off

trailer's been forclosed

and grandpappy's farm

has been bulldozed

it's called progess

they built a mall

where the crops used to grow

paved over hills

where the cattle used to go

she took my truck

and she stole my dog

now i'm alone

sippin' from my jug

of moonshine

I'm at the front of the chase

I'm gunna win this race

I am so far ahead

the others are just being led

traveling through the womb

the egg we're heading to

will take one of us inside

a foetus will arise

nothing will stop me

neither rubber nor foam nor IUD

almost at the end of my journey

I'm gunna be a baby

traveling through the womb

the egg we're heading to

will take one of us inside

a foetus shall arise

 

 

Making of stream can be found here: https://www.twitch.tv/urinalpooper

Laundry Day!

you've got a basket of shame

filthy underpants

tell-tale stains

yellow in front

brown in the rear

now you regret

not wiping clear

Roll Tide!  Gets the crust off your jeans

Roll Tide!  makes your cloths clean

Roll Tide!  will unstiffen your socks

Roll Tide!  even the one for your cock

Laundry Time!

the hamper is full

overpowering stench

assaulting you

puke on your shirt

blood on your hat

there's no time

to dry clean that

Roll Tide!  Gets the crust off your jeans

Roll Tide!  makes your cloths clean

Roll Tide!  will unstiffen your socks

Roll Tide!  even the one for your cock

Free yourself

from the cycle

of death and rebirth

I saved fifteen percent

by switching

my karma insurance to Geico

Living without intent

might cleanse your soul

or see you reborn 

as a gecko

i saved fifteen percent

by switching

my karma insurance to Geico

 

I did an instrumental this week.

I got the resolution to Have Fun"  so I decided to go with a party-anthem type song.

 

Grab yourself a cup

there's a keg out back

we got a mirror full of coke

and a pipe full of crack

brought some Everclear

we got kool aid too

get a garbage can

we'll make that jungle juice

Party!

like you're still in college

Party!

like you're back in school

Party!

like there's no tomorrow

Party!

like you're still cool

stripper's here at midnight

grab a seat by the pole

hope you brought some singles

to shove in her hole

you got fifty dollars?

there's handjobs on the porch

ATM's round the corner

if you come up short

Party!

like you're still in college

Party!

like you're back in school

Party!

like there's no tomorrow

Party!

like you're still cool

 

you got the clothes 

you got the car

you got the best kind of friends

you own the school 

you own the mall

a model since you were ten

you're parents buy you things

and that's the best kind of love

but dad's embezzling 

now he's got a beef with the law

here come the legal fees

you're out on the streets

you find the needle

suck a cock

and now you're fucked 

because you've 

FALLEN

you're turning tricks to make enough to get

something to eat

you need a fix

you need a score

something that won't draw the heat

you'd go insane

see what remains

compared to all that you had

you start to choke

you overdosed

actually, you're glad

because you've

FALLEN

I'm being experimental.  Some experiments have awful results.  

NA = 6.02214076023 mol−1

I'm not proud of this one in any way, shape or form.  I apologize to the listeners, God and my DAW.

i am in my house

ive not left my couch

just so i can watch television

i don't need to leave here

i've already enough beer

just so i can watch television

 

There's ho place like gnome

beware when we roam

we'll sneak up behind you

crack open your dome

there's ho place like gnome

we'll enter your home

crawl up your pant leg

and give you our foam

pointy hats exploring your crotch

filthy beards getting you hot

tiny fingers all up inside

little legs take you on a ride

there's ho place like gnome

so get on your phone

call your friends over

and let if be known that

there's ho place like gnome

it's time for the bone

so spread those sweet ass-cheeks 

and feel how it's grown

pointy hats exploring your crotch

filthy beards getting you hot

tiny fingers all up inside

little legs take you on a ride

perverted gnomes stole my girlfriend

perverted gnomes took her away from me

perverted gnomes stole my girlfriend

perverted gnomes just like me

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron

James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron

at the bottom of the sea

away from you and me

things Cousteau would never see

scripting Titanic 2 and 3

James Cameron doesn't do what James Cameron does for James Cameron

James Cameron does what James Cameron does because James Cameron is James Cameron

at the bottom of the ocean

alone within his mind

setting things in motion

for Avatars 8 and 9

S0M3B0DY S3T US UP TH3 B0MB!!11

M4IN SCR33N TURN 0N

4LL YU0R B4S3 4R3 B3L0NG T0 US!!!!1

M4K3 YU0R TIM3

F0R GR34T JUSTIC3

MILLHU0S3 WILL N3V3R B3 4 M3M3

YU0 C4NT 3V3N TRIF0RC3

4ND WHY 4INT YU0R T3XT GR33N??//?

MILLHU0S3 C4N N3V3R B3 4 M3M3

YU0 JUST G0T DUCK-R0LL3D!!!!111

I S33 IT 0N YU0R SCR33N

journey of enlightenment

in your pants a tent

singles to be spent

instead of paying rent

daytime trip the titty bar

try to ignore that appendectomy scar

the dancers over the hill but they go so far

on a pilgrimage to the go-go bar

voyage to expand your mind

see the cellulite on their behinds

it's 2PM good time to unwind

spread the cash around you're being kind

daytime trip the titty bar

try to ignore that appendectomy scar

the dancers over the hill but they go so far

on a pilgrimage to the go-go bar

blowies in a filthy mens room

grabbing saggy tits

a lapdance from someone's grandma

your spirit has been cleansed

daytime trip the titty bar

try to ignore that appendectomy scar

the dancers over the hill but they go so far

on a pilgrimage to the go-go bar

 

honey for the hive

the colony must thrive

we got the drones we got the jelly

and the eggs in our queen's belly

we got stingers in the rear

the allergic seem to fear

we swarm to our defenses

seen through multi-facet lenses

polinate polinate

flowers and the trees

visited by bees

inseminate inseminate

flowers and the trees

impregnated by bees

honey that we make

isn't yours to take

we got the works and the wax

we are yellow striped with black

we fly low we fly high

then the meadow comes alive

we work hard

and we're coming to your yard

polinate polinate

flowers and the trees

visited by bees

inseminate inseminate

flowers and the trees

impregnated by bees

 

Play strip poker at a family reunion

uncle tony marked the cards

and everyone's losing

mom should have followed her own advice

a clean pair of bloomers would have been nice

grandma lost her blouse

grandpa lost his pants

now is not a good time to sit in someone's lap

uncle tony's racking up a wardrobe of his own

will he give the clothing back

or will he take it home?

cousin edna's standing there in nothing but her thong

you want to grab her dimpled ass

but you know it's wrong

at the kiddy table things are downright illegal

and how the hell did someone win

the collar from your beagle?

playing strip poker at a family reunion

only one winner

but you're all losers

where'd you hide that ace?

you don't got no sleeves

there's a jack on the river

hard nipples on the queen

grandma lost her blouse

grandpa lost his pants

now is not a good time to sit in someone's lap

uncle tony's racking up a wardrobe of his own

will he give the clothing back

or will he take it home?

cousin edna's standing there in nothing but her thong

you want to grab her dimpled ass

but you know it's wrong

at the kiddy table things are downright illegal

and how the hell did someone win

the collar from your beagle?

why won't let me post my damn song ?

Note:  this song is not written from my perspective i prefer Lagavulin to all others.

 

I like my whiskey from the highlands

i don't care for island malts

i want my whiskey from the highlands

the others seem to have their faults

gimme Dalmore

gimme Oban

gimme Glenmorangie

gimme Ardmore

gimme Wolfburn

gimme Drumguish

gimme Milburn

gimme Knockdhu

gimme Tomatin

gimme Balbair

gimme Deanston

gimme Glendronach

all the best whiskeys from the highlands

i won't leave it up to chance

get your whiskey from the highlands

and drink 'em til you shit your pants.

 

Have you tried it?  Unholy Guacamole

dark monks supplied it.  Unholy Guacamole

you can't hide it.  Unholy Guacamole

from those who decry it.  Unholy Guacamole

shove it down your hole

the sacred avocado

spread it on your toast

your mind becomes its host

have you seen it?  Unholy Guacamole

do you mean it?  Unholy Guacamole

you cannot clean it.  Unholy Guacamole

until they screen it.  Unholy Guacamole

shove it down your hole

the sacred avocado

spread it on your toast

your mind becomes its host

the world is done.  Unholy Guacamole

they blot the sun.  Unholy Guacamole

you've had your fun.  Unholy Guacamole

how green your come?  Unholy Guacamole

shove it down your hole

the sacred avocado

spread it on your toast

your mind becomes its host

 

quiet valley town

peaceful morning

sun is rising

a distant roar is heard

sleeping god

no longer dormant

ash begins to fall

followed by a wall lava

every road is closed

there's no path to salvation

gases fill the air

suffocate

incinerate

every trace erased

covered with boiling stone

ash begins to fall

followed by a wall lava

every road is closed

there's no path to salvation

 

I have an appointment with my doctor

behind Red Lobster money changes hands

I've had a lot to drink

but it's never enough

I've had a lot to drink

but it's never enough

to dull the pain of being me

yellows, reds and blues in a plastic bag

they make me numb

even though i'm still sad

I've had a lot to drink

but it's never enough

I've had a lot to drink

but it's never enough

to dull the pain of being me

explanation

where have you been

whose cologne is that

i smell on your skin

when i say, i love you

i hear crickets

ask if you've been faithful

i hear crickets

do you want to breakup?

i hear crickets

tell you that i'm leaving

i hear crickets

indication

of how you feel

show some emotion

and make it real

when i say, i love you

i hear crickets

ask if you've been faithful

i hear crickets

do you want to breakup?

i hear crickets

tell you that i'm leaving

i hear crickets

i've got nothing to do

nothing with which to occupy my mind

 

i'm so bored

i need a distraction

already watched netflix

and fingered my girlfriend

i'm so bored

there's nothing to do here

i need something

to fill my empty mind

 

i need entertainment

anything to avoid

introspection

 

i'm so bored

i need a distraction

already watched netflix

and fingered my girlfriend

i'm so bored

there's nothing to do here

i need something

to fill my empty mind

a hole in the jvngle floor

covered wi+h grass

a s+ep +oo far

impaled

 

bamboo

and feces

 

fall

+o yovr doom

pvnji s+icks

infec+ed wovnds

 

bamboo

and feces

i'm goin' deep

while you sleep

and now you have an ass full of sperm

i left inside

oh how you cry

as it burrows into your colon

don't try to shit them out

the neighbors cannot hear you shout

my demon seed are nesting there

they cannot live in open air

they will hatch inside of you

at first just feasting on your poo

then they will consume your flesh

likely leading to your death

don't try to shit them out

don't try to shit them out

oh deep inside

they'll learn to thrive

unholy children of the dark

they swim and play

bringing decay

as it burrows into your colon

don't try to shit them out

the neighbors cannot hear you shout

my demon seed are nesting there

they cannot live in open air

they will hatch inside of you

at first just feasting on your poo

then they will consume your flesh

likely leading to your death

don't try to shit them out

don't try to shit them out

 

look out up ahead

discoloration in the pavement

a gap beneath the wheel

sends you spinning

body through the windshield

collapsed and broken in the road

someone find a cellphone

someone dial 911

i don't think she's breathing

i can't find a pulse

someone find a cellphone

someone dial 911

 

i think it's too late

this is the kind of song to write

to pickup chicks at an open mic

this is the kind of song i write 

if i want to meet girls at Amateur Night

 

throw in a couple metaphors for love

don't try to rhyme it with words like shove

gotta keep it tame gotta keep it gentle

absolutely no allusions to anal

 

strum open chords nice and soft

the capo goes on

the panties slide off

make it sound like it comes from heart

add some vibrato to this part

 

It's the most important meal of the day...

Whip out your udders
it's time to make breakfast
this cereal's dry
fill the bowl with breast milk!
why do you make that face?
There's none left in the fridge
i can't enjoy my cornflakes
unless they have been drenched

aim your nipple at the middle of the bowl
squeeze your titty until milk comes out the hole (X2)
My corn flakes need some milk! (X3)
and you're the one that makes it

i don't think it's fair
to say the baby will go hungry
so please show that you care
you make enough to share
all that i am asking
is for you to do your part
helping me make breakfast
is that a bridge too far?

aim your nipple at the middle of the bowl
squeeze your titty until milk comes out the hole (X3)
My cornflakes need some milk!
and you're the one that makes it... Guitar!

note: it is WAY harder to work a kick-drum, play a keyboard and play guitar at the same time than it might look.

raspberries are sour
raspberries are tart
raspberries get blown
it sounds like a fart
ohhhh raspberries
stick out your tongue
between your lips
add a little air
and a lot of spit
ohhhh raspberries

conserve your toilet tissue
use both sides
you have to stockpile toilet paper
to prove you're wise

after devastation by Chinese Space AIDS
we will rise up and organize paper product raids

conserve your toilet paper
use your hand
or be like a kitty cat
wipe with sand

toilet tissue running out
my filthy butthole makes me shout,
"why weren't we prepared?!"
squeeze the Charmin you must die
don't you bother asking why
we weren't prepared

after devastation by Chinese Space AIDS
we will rise up and organize paper product raids

I'm movin' myself up to Alaska (welcome to Alaska)
gunna live in the snow
gunna build an ice castle
gunna cook up a lot of crystal meth
gunna sell it to truckers
gunna trade it for head from Beth

I will hitch my sled to a pair of moosen!
drive across the tundra, drawn by moosen!

i've made a home for myself in Alaska (welcome to Alaska)
i wear snowpants
and a gigantic park
not much to do cuz everything's frozen
then i'm summoned
by the Call of the Moosen

i will hitch my sled to a pair of moosen!
drive across the tundra, drawn by moosen!
(that's how they do it up there)

[note: i said to myself, "myself," i said, "why do we never use the Jaguar for recording?" Well, those clicks and hisses and such are the answer to that question. It's a great punk rock player for live performances because it's clicky and hissy and noisey, but it's absolute bollocks for recording. Lesson learned.]

What's that smell?
is it fish?
from there the tentacles dwell?
where the mud shark lives?

Salivation
salvation
suction cups spreading thighs
Japanese cartoon porn

carp -ey diem
wipe if off
eat the tissue
hide your shame

Salivation
salvation
suction cups spreading thighs
Japanese cartoon porn

Sailing through the Milky Way
chariot of fudge
bringing strife and dismay
choke upon my grudge

Mars attacks! Sugary snacks!
my bar inside your bum
Mars attacks! your head pulled back
and dripping from your chin
MY WAR NOUGAT!

defenses overwhelmed
thick and rich and sweet
shoved into your face
taste the new dark meat

Mars attacks! Sugary snacks!
my bar inside your bum
Mars attacks! your head pulled back
and dripping from your chin
MY WAR NOUGAT!

My tiny house
has a tiny mouse
my tiny wife
has a tiny life
my tiny neighbors
have a tiny savior
with tiny jobs
working for the man
little bit of shopping
little bit of TV
little bit of praying
little bit of dying
all of it is empty
all of it is pointless
when you add it up
sum of its parts

i can't live in tiny houses
i need space
i need space
i can't live in tiny houses
i need space
i need space

my tiny street
manicured and neat
my tiny town
is of small renown
my little friends
come to bitter ends
our little paper
prints a couple words
paragraph for one
sentence for another
their tiny lives
reduced to smaller size
all of it is empty
all of it is pointless
when you add it up
sum of its parts

i can't live in tiny houses
i need space
i need space
i can't live in tiny houses
i need space
i need space

gotta take a piss
i gotta tinkle and sprinkle
and smooth out all of these wrinkles
gotta stream it
and steam it
and when i'm done i'll clean it
gotta empty my bladder
before it gets much fatter
gotta take a piss
sure hope i don't miss
toilet break

gotta take a piss
i'm dancin and prancin
and hoppin where i'm standin
drippin in my pants and
i can't wait for this line
to unwind
it's too long
my balls are full of pee
gotta get it outta me
gotta take a piss
sure hope i don't miss
toilet break

(you can tell I haven't practiced anything since last week)

Christmas Time!
Ready for festivities
neon lit nativity
electro techno ministry

Bow before the altar of Christmas lights
Ten million LEDs illuminate the night

Christmas Tree!
Standing in your living room
shining brightly through the gloom
here today and gone too soon

Bow before the altar of Christmas Lights
Ten million LEDs illuminate the night

Once you pop
you cannot stop
you cannot stop
stuffing your face
Once you pop
you will not stop
you will not stop
stuffing your face

New ingredient
they introduce a fat-free chip
only one side effect
ANAL LEAKAGE

Once it pops
you cannot stop
you cannot stop it
soiling your pants
Once it pops
it will not stop
it will not stop
until it soils your pants

New ingredient
they introduce a fat-free chip
only one side effect
ANAL LEAKAGE

why is no one calling me
no reception or connectivity
RING!
Banana phone
RING!
Donana phone

"I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I'm under the table,
after four I'm under my host."
-Dorothy Parker